Dearest Jack:
I have an urgent request for you. I would like to ask that, in the event you once again decide to scare your Deal Ol' Mom witless, you certainly do so, but with methods far less dramatic than running crazy fever all weekend. I promise that I will be (or act) just as terrified and confused if you, say, jump out from behind the closet door. Or dump a bucket of ice water on my head. Or eat your vegetables at dinner.
Seriously, dear boy, there are non-self-destructive ways to get after your Mother. Please choose from a staggering variety of those, next time.
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